Posted by: George | August 18, 2016

A Short Guide to American Political Parties

In the 2016 election, all four American political parties will be more fully present. They might all possibly participate in the debates. To prevent confusion, I offer the following short guide, which defines each political party with a simple statement. Note: This is an equal opportunity (that is, equal insult) post, so, if you are sensitive about your political party, it is best you stop reading right HERE.

Republican Party: “Don’t take my stuff.”

Explanation: Republicans like a strong military so other countries won’t take our stuff. They like low taxes because that’s their money. Etc.

Democratic Party: “You should like me because I’m a nice person.”

Explanation: Democrats like social programs that help people out because they are really nice and so people should appreciate them. They respect diversity because we should all love each other and, if you love everybody, they will love you back. Etc.

Libertarian Party: “Leave me the f*ck alone.”

Explanation: They don’t like a lot of laws because that means someone is messing with them. They don’t even really like roads because other people can drive on them also. Etc.

Green Party: “I am morally superior.”

Explanation: They are not so much for sustainability; they are more for ecological wisdom. They are for grassroots democracy, decentralization of power, and active participation in political decisions except they don’t really like everyone (actually, not much of anyone because most people are really stupid). Etc.


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